How to Walk on Water: A Day with Student Council President Remy Reya

By Dean of Academics and Student Life Todd Ballaban
A cursory glance at literature on character education will illuminate growing research that cites empathy as a vital trait in building leaders of the future. A Google search instantly reveals hundreds of empathy coaches working with top companies to build morale in the workplace. Despite these trends, a strange adversarial relationship still exists between students and administrators. Students often view administrators as “sheriffs” plotting devious ways to fill the student experience with endless hurdles and red tape. Throughout my tenure at the school, I have worked to defy such misconceptions. How can an administrator expect to mentor and guide students without, as Atticus Finch opines, “walking around in their skin”? To prove my point and to grow as an administrator, I spent a day shadowing my advisee and Student Council President Remy Reya ’17.    

If you have ever attended an LJCDS event, there is a good chance Remy has enchanted you with an inspiring speech, a riveting drum solo or a contagious smile. While Remy isn’t the average student—I have, at times, begged him not to do work and not to join an additional club—shadowing him helped me achieve two goals: 1) through empathy, understand the student experience and 2) employ what I gleaned from the day to reaffirm my commitment that students always come first. When I approached Remy with the idea, he willingly acquiesced with instructions to “Meet in the band room at 7:20 a.m. And don’t be late.”

Remy’s morning began with the drumline as students made their final preparations to greet guests for Grandparents Day. Immediately, I noticed what would become a common theme throughout the day, which was that Remy had the ability to make difficult tasks seem effortless. He greeted grandparents and special friends during an opening meeting with an eloquent speech, without the aid of notes, sharing with our guests a glimpse of what makes LJCDS so special to him: the relationships.  

We rushed back to his band and percussion class, where Remy finished final rehearsals for band performance at assembly. After hauling heavy drum equipment and an amplifier to the amphitheater, we scurried to AP English Literature with the revered, erudite Upper School English teacher Gideon Rappaport, Ph.D. As Remy entered class, he reminded me that Dr. “Rap” had a strict rule forbidding cell phones during literature discussions. We immediately launched into a riveting analysis of John Donne’s famous “A Valediction Forbidding Mourning,” each student (including yours truly) grappling with a stanza of difficult text. The conversation seemed to flow naturally, and suddenly, I was marveling at how skillfully Dr. Rappaport made complex poetry seamlessly connect to all of our lives. We exited the room pondering love and marriage in ways I had never considered.  

After an inspiring musical performance during assembly, we proceeded to Honors Neuroscience with Upper School science teacher Susan Domanico, Ph.D., where Remy catapulted himself on stage for a presentation analyzing alternative medicine (acupuncture, herbal remedies, etc.) as effective but still unproven methods of treating pain. I sat in awe of how quickly Remy seemed to “change gears” and readied himself for a new class and teacher, both of whom had no knowledge of his previous whereabouts or mental duress.  

For most students, lunch provides a welcomed respite to the day’s grind. For Remy, he needed to make the choice of attending a planning meeting for the Hope Conference, cheering student-athletes at an impromptu pep rally for winter sports or selling Board & Brew sandwiches during a Student Council “fun lunch.” This left little time to eat lunch, so we both ate en route to AP United States Government class with history teacher Jonathan Shulman during F block.

Remy had prepared to give another speech to his peers, his fourth of the day; this time performing an analysis of the misrepresentation of poverty in the media. The class got caught up in conversation about the presentations of other students and eventually ran out of time. It was a good problem to witness. Not only did Remy get a well-deserved break, but more than anything, it spoke to the intellectually curious character of the students in his class.

Finally, we reached Remy’s final block of the day, his free block. I assumed he would, like other students, grab a snack, catch up on some work, maybe even just hang out. He bid me adieu as he met an eighth-grade student in the library for a 50-minute French peer tutoring session. Exhausted, I crawled back to my office, utterly amazed and humbled by Remy’s energy and dedication to the community.  

It is important that we, as administrators, never lose sight of our number one priority: understanding and supporting students. Spending a day with Remy made me appreciate that supporting our students means understanding the demands we place on them. Daniel Pink, a New York Times bestselling author and leading authority on empathy, writes that “Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place.” Thankfully, we have students like Remy who respond to our intense demands, lead with empathy and inspire greatness for a better world.
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