The College Process: A Conversation with Your Student
How the college admissions process can impact teens’ daily lives and their relationships with their parents.
Parenting is not easy, and parenting teenagers is beyond my realm of comprehension yet—I still have eight more years until that’s my reality! However, from my role working with high school students over the past 13 years, I have gained a glimpse into the delicate intricacies of how the college admissions process can impact teens’ daily lives and their relationships with their parents. I hope to offer some positive perspectives you’ll find helpful to consider as you go through this process with your student.
Let this be an opportunity to get to know your child through a different lens.
You’ll get to see how your child makes decisions and frames what’s important to them. Find the excitement in letting their future college be their own unique experience that they form. As parents, it’s natural to want our children to experience the opportunities and joy in many of the ways we did—whether through the sports we played growing up or by loving the music of our own generation. Conversely, we may tend to overcompensate by bestowing on them opportunities we wished we had ourselves. Instead, understand that your paths will differ when it comes to your college experience versus theirs, and that’s okay! So much of how students perceive their success is bound by what they think their parents’ expectations are of them.
You’ll get to see how your child makes decisions and frames what’s important to them. Find the excitement in letting their future college be their own unique experience that they form. As parents, it’s natural to want our children to experience the opportunities and joy in many of the ways we did—whether through the sports we played growing up or by loving the music of our own generation. Conversely, we may tend to overcompensate by bestowing on them opportunities we wished we had ourselves. Instead, understand that your paths will differ when it comes to your college experience versus theirs, and that’s okay! So much of how students perceive their success is bound by what they think their parents’ expectations are of them.
Keep an open mind about the multitude of potential colleges for your child rather than feeling tied to specific institutions.
This will set your child up for greater success in the college process. They will find relief in knowing that you are supporting them through their college process, regardless of where they’re admitted. The selectivity of a college is not a reflection of the excellence of your child or the excellence of your parenting. It is not intended to be a barometer for who they are, who they will become, or how they’ll find success.
This will set your child up for greater success in the college process. They will find relief in knowing that you are supporting them through their college process, regardless of where they’re admitted. The selectivity of a college is not a reflection of the excellence of your child or the excellence of your parenting. It is not intended to be a barometer for who they are, who they will become, or how they’ll find success.
Feel empowered to keep your child’s process private and politely decline to discuss those topics with others outside your very trusted circle.
College application season can feel all-consuming at times. Friends and relatives, often with the best of intentions (or sometimes not!), want to talk about and hear about your student and their college process. It’s important to be aware of what your student might overhear or what trickles back to your student from a conversation you thought you had in private with another friend’s parent or relative. Find strategies that work for you to compartmentalize your inclination to talk about college, during what feels like, every conversation. And, for what it’s worth, students need a break.
College application season can feel all-consuming at times. Friends and relatives, often with the best of intentions (or sometimes not!), want to talk about and hear about your student and their college process. It’s important to be aware of what your student might overhear or what trickles back to your student from a conversation you thought you had in private with another friend’s parent or relative. Find strategies that work for you to compartmentalize your inclination to talk about college, during what feels like, every conversation. And, for what it’s worth, students need a break.
Pepper in “college talk” sparingly rather than overdosing on the subject at every interaction.
Students need a break. Schedule a weekly check-in with your student devoted to all college topics at once, whether at the dinner table, on a walk, or on a drive to and from extracurricular activities. The uncertainty of where they’ll apply and eventually attend college is likely on their minds just as much, if not more, than on yours—even when it might not seem like it from your vantage point. Make sure you find ways to enjoy their high school years with them and give them the space to make this journey on their own.
Students need a break. Schedule a weekly check-in with your student devoted to all college topics at once, whether at the dinner table, on a walk, or on a drive to and from extracurricular activities. The uncertainty of where they’ll apply and eventually attend college is likely on their minds just as much, if not more, than on yours—even when it might not seem like it from your vantage point. Make sure you find ways to enjoy their high school years with them and give them the space to make this journey on their own.
Let them lead the way
And take comfort in knowing that the college counseling team will support your student from start to finish.
